Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
12/27 A Vulsker Quickie
Just doing my coffee thing and blabbering about random stuff. More to come later tonight!
Friday, December 23, 2011
2011 Coming to a close in 8 (12/23)
Well it has been a while all. Things have been sorta like a roller coaster per sue. So with 8 days left in 2011, not too much longer to enjoy and make this year the best yet. So lets see what happens.... anywho enjoy the vid!!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Starting it Out Right 12-1-11
Well I will absolutely be enjoying my coffee in about 6 hours before I head to work but I just wanted to enter into this month RIGHT!
You know I can go on and on about how I have been single for over a year and how on X-mas Eve it would be 4 years since I first got down onto one knee and set myself up for heart break nearly a year later but you know what... fuck it. Since the end of October I have gotten to know somebody who honestly has to be one of the best girls I have ever known. Not only is she extremely beautiful she has a banging personality. It is retardedly weird on how she almost everything I have ever dreamed in finding... and I am not complaining. She knows how to make somebody feel important and darn right wanted and it is good to feel that way once in a while. Now there are some challenges and a tiny distance but it's worth it. She says I make her feel all flustered and that I make her heart flutter and I hope it is all true because with every smile I get from her, I know that I am making her day and that makes mine! :)
Every conversation we have had and will had I take in open arms because I could honestly talk to her every damn day and it would still mean the same to me. She really is just that awesome to me... almost to the point where I wanna run outside screaming it!! Haha but really... I have been nothing but smiles and happy filled because of her. Now I am not the same person I used to be... I have grown up and realized being too niice will break you and I have been pushed to my limits by certain people but when I am around her I honestly feel I can be a truly laid back nice (with a side of cockiness) guy and never get burned. Now we both have been through a lot and her a little more recent but I honestly think about her and what will happen all the time. Lately... I dunno, I kinda been wanting to just openly say shes mine bitches so move out the way! *Now you know what I have been thinking about* Lol But that will happen when she is ready as well. Now I have told myself the last year that I don't want anything official or too deep because of the pain and misguidance I have endured. But to be honest...if I had the choice, I'd probably call her mine NOW and make it official. I just feel that good around her that I just wanna say fuck what I was telling myself the last year! lmfao
Now on the flip side, I hope I can and always make her feel like she is in heaven and safe around me. She needs to know that she can tell or talk to me about anything and I would never judge. I'd listen and provide 100% support. Whether its a silly joke or a very deep secret, I am always here for you! :)
So Imma end this little heart rant on the wishes to the future and how excited I am to see how this year ends and 2012 begins! Good night all!
Chewy Out!
You know I can go on and on about how I have been single for over a year and how on X-mas Eve it would be 4 years since I first got down onto one knee and set myself up for heart break nearly a year later but you know what... fuck it. Since the end of October I have gotten to know somebody who honestly has to be one of the best girls I have ever known. Not only is she extremely beautiful she has a banging personality. It is retardedly weird on how she almost everything I have ever dreamed in finding... and I am not complaining. She knows how to make somebody feel important and darn right wanted and it is good to feel that way once in a while. Now there are some challenges and a tiny distance but it's worth it. She says I make her feel all flustered and that I make her heart flutter and I hope it is all true because with every smile I get from her, I know that I am making her day and that makes mine! :)
Every conversation we have had and will had I take in open arms because I could honestly talk to her every damn day and it would still mean the same to me. She really is just that awesome to me... almost to the point where I wanna run outside screaming it!! Haha but really... I have been nothing but smiles and happy filled because of her. Now I am not the same person I used to be... I have grown up and realized being too niice will break you and I have been pushed to my limits by certain people but when I am around her I honestly feel I can be a truly laid back nice (with a side of cockiness) guy and never get burned. Now we both have been through a lot and her a little more recent but I honestly think about her and what will happen all the time. Lately... I dunno, I kinda been wanting to just openly say shes mine bitches so move out the way! *Now you know what I have been thinking about* Lol But that will happen when she is ready as well. Now I have told myself the last year that I don't want anything official or too deep because of the pain and misguidance I have endured. But to be honest...if I had the choice, I'd probably call her mine NOW and make it official. I just feel that good around her that I just wanna say fuck what I was telling myself the last year! lmfao
Now on the flip side, I hope I can and always make her feel like she is in heaven and safe around me. She needs to know that she can tell or talk to me about anything and I would never judge. I'd listen and provide 100% support. Whether its a silly joke or a very deep secret, I am always here for you! :)
So Imma end this little heart rant on the wishes to the future and how excited I am to see how this year ends and 2012 begins! Good night all!
Chewy Out!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Random Poem out of the heart
Umm yea... was kinda just thinking a bit much! :-D :-D
With every smile I make
On that beautiful face
It just makes me
Melt away
When I hold your hand
I feel like I can
When I hold you close
It feels like Im about to overdose
My knees feel weak
My heart over beats
My mind dreams
Never wanna wake from this sleep
Despite some distance
The drive is soothing
Knowing Ill be with you
Gets me oooing
There will be some challenges
But we can be strong
Overpower em
Like Mario over Donkey Kong
You are simply amazing
I can't lie
Wishing you were here
So I can lay with all night
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
HEY HEY HEY!!!! 11-17-11
Check this link out! Max Payne 3 looks freaking pure awesomely SHWEET!!
http://ps3.ign.com/articles/121/1212732p1.html
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Video Blog 11-15 with a little sexyiness!
And a sexy poem!
Wanna lay you down
On the bed
Down your body
Goes my hand
Nibble your neck
As you claw my back
Pull your hair
Our tongues dance
With each slow thrust
We fill with ecstasy
Breath is weak
Sweat starts to bead
As your body tightens
We pick it up
With a clenching moan
We roll to our sides
Exhausted and spent
My arms around you
I hold you all night
Knowing that you will be mine
Monday, November 14, 2011
Video Blog 11-14
Hey guys! Enjoy! More will come tonight more than likely. Got sick so last nights didn't happen.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Another something new - Different Beliefs
Damnit.... writing spree here! "Different Beliefs"
Hippie this
Hippie that
Peace and love is where it's at
Got the government telling you what to feel and believe
Constant non-stop censoring
Yet they're killing our youth
Destroying our future
Jobs being lost to over seas
Yet you bail them out
While we have people on the streets suffering
And all we get is just believe
Mine as well get prepared for the Chinese scheme of things
Then we got this holy winner
Call me a sinner
Sex... okay I've done it
Love I've been through
Religion tries to tells you
Only one you should love
Is a man up above
Somebody we haven't even seen walk
Okay I get it
You believe what you believe
But don't force your acts of war and God on me
We are created different
Different minds
Different thoughts
Differents lives
Different wants
So I'll take what I crave
Get what I want
As I sit and take your believes with a grain of salt
New Song - Sinner Dreams
So a lot of talk about love and dreams have been coming up lately. Well I have been wanting to write something new for a long time and haven't been able to. Well low and behold, somebody actually fueled the fire (in a good way) and got rid of my block. Well here it is, "Sinner Dreams".
You can call me a sinner
But I'll always be a winner
You can be a non believer
Cuz my heart chooses the path ill walk forever
Fuck too much thinking
Just be left staring and blinking
Stand up
Take a chance
Roll the dice
Fuck thinking twice
If you're sitting in the back
Listening to all the attacks
You gotta stop now
Fight back
Cuz if you don't follow your dreams
If you don't follow your heart
If you don't live to learn
This worlds gonna spark a match
And just let you burn
You can call me a sinner
But I'll always be a winner
You can be a non believer
Cuz my heart chooses the path ill walk forever
Criticism is just what you need
Let if fuel your dreams
Go for the girl
Go for the job
Take your life to the fucking top
So fuck the doubt
And forget it
If your in love
Then go get it
Wanna be something out of the ordinary
Then so be it
Cuz it's your life
Your under control
No need to be the kid looking out the window
If they wanna talk shit
Then leave em be
They're the ones committing a heart felt treason to the third degree
If they really care
Then they'll be there
Pushing and pulling
Helping you up
So keep your head up
Walk your path
And make your life what you always wanted
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Coffee Time!
Well it is Sunday November 11th and Im sipping some of that nice cup o joe! First Sunday I have had off in a few weeks and that is a good thing. Things are about to start getting crazy with Black Friday just a few weeks off. Im mean we are already playing some holiday jingles on the store radio!! lol Like Britney Spears "Santa Baby" hahahaha!!! But Im doing my normal Sunday activity when I don't work and that is being at the computer and looking at all the new adds for stores this week. I know... I know... what a dork but hey I like sales and usually I can find some good ones so I can increase my movie collection.... which hmmm I kinda wanna go count where I am at now. Last time I remember it was like 90 blu-rays and like 200+ dvds.... :-D Man... still ain't nothing though. I used to have nearly 400 dvds and like 60+ games between my wii, 360, and ps3... but that quickly died along with losing my bike. Grrrrrrr YOU WHORE!!!!! lol Oh I love being hyper in the morning... but it is slowly growing again. The wii is out cuz i had to get rid of that and the ps3 back in the day but never really cared to get it back for only like 3 games.
Speaking of games... MODERN WARFARE 3 TOMORROW NIGHT!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAH! :) And then 11/11/11 = Elder Scrolls and Harry Potter DH p2 Blu-RAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously one of the only series of books I read and I love em and the movies aren't bad but the last 4 were spot on! :)
Ohhh so yeah, back to being Sunday. Well not much is really planned for today other than the Brown's play at 4, we got Ron's bday dinner at 6, and then I gotta take my uncle to work at 930. Other than that... who knows. I can say there is something I would like but just gotta play it cool. Let it happen... lol Ohhhhh boy.
My HALEY turns 5 months today! That means we can officially start introducing her to stage 1 baby food! WOOOOOOO! She growins up soooooos quick! lol :-D :-D
NEEEEED MOOOOOORRREEE CCCCOOOOFFFFEEEEE!!!!!!
Okay I am back. Sooo I have been thinking about making these blogs video and posting them instead. What do you think. I think I'd get a little more crazy and outlandish but itd be awesome! Hmmmmm dunno yet.
So X-mas is just a few weeks away and the family still doesn't know what is going on. Last I heard there was a battle over a church and Quaker Steak because of alcohol or something. I have noooo clue but all I know is that half of this family drinks and I have a feeling a lot of flasks are being snuck around if it goes church! lmfao So which one would I use... my Hatchet Man flask or my Rebel Flag flask... hmmmmm decisions decisions!\
So I really want a tattoo and I have 2 in mind... well 3 now because of Angela. My first is going to be Chimaira's Chaos Symbol on my leg. Which is this:
But instead of the C in the middle I want it to be an H and then going down my leg I want matching bloody letters of ALEY to finish my baby girls name! I think that would be freaking sweet and something I would never regret! :) My second i want is on my upper arm and it is the split transformers insignia of Autobots and Decepticons. And my new one... I want is basic but somewhere like the back of my shoulders or arm or something but just simply... Nerd Rage. Then I am seriously thinking of re-doing my lip piercing. I miss that damn thing and with me getting in better shape and getting all sexified... come on, wouldn't just make it better! ;-)
OOOOOOOH.... so yeah one thing has been on my mind since yesterdays blog because I forgot to mention it. And no babe... your WAYYY still on my mind! ;-) But yeah... I am a geek. Some people like it and many girls don't. But don't ever throw it down somebodies face because they will go out ballz deep and make you regret every stupid fucking gay word you allowed to exit your dumb pie hole! And what I mean is... okay a little more past shit... after the chick left me for the dude off the internet I never got closure until like 5 months later. (I know... 4 years and then I don't even get a final talk... lol) Well yeah... needless to say is that the very last thing said to me as she is walking out the door was.... "It is okay, you'll find somebody who loves Transformers as much as you do!" bam door is shut. No what in the living hell would make somebody EVVER say something like that. But I get it... im just fucking awesome and many of you can't handle that. Go a head and take your lifes way to serious and then see who makes the best out of life... ;-) be jealous!
Oh so yeah... hmmm I have no idea what else to say.
But yeah... my mood is totally - La Deux by Hollywood Undead HAHAHAHA! ;-)
Oh yeah soo I do think I know something I might do today, I might upload my umm attempt at Photography on my facebook page. OMFG... canon revealed a new camera to go against the red!! It was sexy as hell! And I guess there is a new DSLR that is supposed to destroy any other at both photos and film! Im excited!!! Speaking of this... I need to get a camera and I like dslr's because I like photography and like having both but a dedicated camera would be more feasible for certain things like a show or long scenes because of a dslr's 12 minute record time limit. Hmmmm because I really like the canon 7d and the 60d which is between $1200 and $1900 depending on which. And then a small rig and mic and lights I'd be around $1800-$2500 which isn't too bad because then I could look at lenses for multiple uses and effects. But the camcorder I'd get is $3000-$4000 by itself and then all extra for other stuff. So money wise a dslr is awesome for the money... but aaaahhhh im so confuzzled!!!!! Plus... (this is gonna be a cheesy retarded comment) but having a nice dslr and a pretty woman, could go do things and get great shots to remember or just go out and shoot just to shoot! hmmmmmm *back to reality* anyways lol Imma have to think some more...
Oh well on the final note... I have been planning for a few months my parent's half xmas gift. While they are gone to visit my brother in Texas, Imma get it and have it installed for when they come back. Goin to be pretty shweet!! :-)
Well I think that is enough for now... knowing me, I might do more later! :)
Chewy Out!
Speaking of games... MODERN WARFARE 3 TOMORROW NIGHT!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAH! :) And then 11/11/11 = Elder Scrolls and Harry Potter DH p2 Blu-RAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously one of the only series of books I read and I love em and the movies aren't bad but the last 4 were spot on! :)
Ohhh so yeah, back to being Sunday. Well not much is really planned for today other than the Brown's play at 4, we got Ron's bday dinner at 6, and then I gotta take my uncle to work at 930. Other than that... who knows. I can say there is something I would like but just gotta play it cool. Let it happen... lol Ohhhhh boy.
My HALEY turns 5 months today! That means we can officially start introducing her to stage 1 baby food! WOOOOOOO! She growins up soooooos quick! lol :-D :-D
NEEEEED MOOOOOORRREEE CCCCOOOOFFFFEEEEE!!!!!!
Okay I am back. Sooo I have been thinking about making these blogs video and posting them instead. What do you think. I think I'd get a little more crazy and outlandish but itd be awesome! Hmmmmm dunno yet.
So X-mas is just a few weeks away and the family still doesn't know what is going on. Last I heard there was a battle over a church and Quaker Steak because of alcohol or something. I have noooo clue but all I know is that half of this family drinks and I have a feeling a lot of flasks are being snuck around if it goes church! lmfao So which one would I use... my Hatchet Man flask or my Rebel Flag flask... hmmmmm decisions decisions!\
So I really want a tattoo and I have 2 in mind... well 3 now because of Angela. My first is going to be Chimaira's Chaos Symbol on my leg. Which is this:
But instead of the C in the middle I want it to be an H and then going down my leg I want matching bloody letters of ALEY to finish my baby girls name! I think that would be freaking sweet and something I would never regret! :) My second i want is on my upper arm and it is the split transformers insignia of Autobots and Decepticons. And my new one... I want is basic but somewhere like the back of my shoulders or arm or something but just simply... Nerd Rage. Then I am seriously thinking of re-doing my lip piercing. I miss that damn thing and with me getting in better shape and getting all sexified... come on, wouldn't just make it better! ;-)
OOOOOOOH.... so yeah one thing has been on my mind since yesterdays blog because I forgot to mention it. And no babe... your WAYYY still on my mind! ;-) But yeah... I am a geek. Some people like it and many girls don't. But don't ever throw it down somebodies face because they will go out ballz deep and make you regret every stupid fucking gay word you allowed to exit your dumb pie hole! And what I mean is... okay a little more past shit... after the chick left me for the dude off the internet I never got closure until like 5 months later. (I know... 4 years and then I don't even get a final talk... lol) Well yeah... needless to say is that the very last thing said to me as she is walking out the door was.... "It is okay, you'll find somebody who loves Transformers as much as you do!" bam door is shut. No what in the living hell would make somebody EVVER say something like that. But I get it... im just fucking awesome and many of you can't handle that. Go a head and take your lifes way to serious and then see who makes the best out of life... ;-) be jealous!
Oh so yeah... hmmm I have no idea what else to say.
But yeah... my mood is totally - La Deux by Hollywood Undead HAHAHAHA! ;-)
Oh yeah soo I do think I know something I might do today, I might upload my umm attempt at Photography on my facebook page. OMFG... canon revealed a new camera to go against the red!! It was sexy as hell! And I guess there is a new DSLR that is supposed to destroy any other at both photos and film! Im excited!!! Speaking of this... I need to get a camera and I like dslr's because I like photography and like having both but a dedicated camera would be more feasible for certain things like a show or long scenes because of a dslr's 12 minute record time limit. Hmmmm because I really like the canon 7d and the 60d which is between $1200 and $1900 depending on which. And then a small rig and mic and lights I'd be around $1800-$2500 which isn't too bad because then I could look at lenses for multiple uses and effects. But the camcorder I'd get is $3000-$4000 by itself and then all extra for other stuff. So money wise a dslr is awesome for the money... but aaaahhhh im so confuzzled!!!!! Plus... (this is gonna be a cheesy retarded comment) but having a nice dslr and a pretty woman, could go do things and get great shots to remember or just go out and shoot just to shoot! hmmmmmm *back to reality* anyways lol Imma have to think some more...
Oh well on the final note... I have been planning for a few months my parent's half xmas gift. While they are gone to visit my brother in Texas, Imma get it and have it installed for when they come back. Goin to be pretty shweet!! :-)
Well I think that is enough for now... knowing me, I might do more later! :)
Chewy Out!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Do you got change for a human being?
Well I am at it again. BLOG time!!! Damn coffee needs to hurry up and get down! AAAAAH! But yeah so it is Saturday November 5th and I have to work a 9 and 1/2 hr shift today. SHOOT ME!! But hey if I get another check like I did yesterday in 2 weeks, I won't be complaining ONE DAMN BIT!!
But hey, coffee is done! YES! YES! YES! YES!
So yeah something has kinda sparked a lot of thought in me. I used to be very shy back in the day. But this went hand in hand that once you knew me you'd always want to be around me AND it also meant I didn't get girls because I simply was way to nice and romantic. I loved complimenting somebody I liked. I was the go to guy for all my chick friends on advice. Well actually pretty much any friend came to me because they knew I'd convert everything in a decent explanation that could hopefully be resolved. Well needless to say, no girl ever wants a "nice" guy and it hurt. When I finally found that one who really did, I was amazed. She was a juggalette and very much a tom boy but she was adorable. I was a little older but only by a year and 1/2. Well we would have our ins and outs but everything seemed perfect when we moved in and I put a near $1000.00 rock on her finger. The engagement was probably the most happiest moment in my life because she WAS THE ONE!!
Well lets skip 8 months into August 2008. She was supposed to go to Canada for a little few day trip with her best friend. All week she was gone, I was lucky for 1 text and a whole 10 minute phone convo. Well when she came back I had it, I was done because I knew what she did. And... I was right. She spent the entire time in New York with a guy she talked to on the internet. Well I loved her so much that 2 days passed, I ended up rushing her to the hospital for a nervous breakdown. We decided to work on it and well... just 3 days later she told me she was leaving for good. I... let her do what she wanted and it bit me in the ass. She got tired of that niice guy and left me for some wanna be badass who talked about eating fetuses as a joke.
Well this is where I'd fall into my slump. Id get behind in bills and damage my credit but I kept laid back for the most part but that is also thanks to the habits I picked up right before and right after she left me. I became a huge stoner, like daily basis, and I picked up her cig habit. I would go on to date somebody for a week until she would cheat on my with her ex she left me for.
Well... skip 7 months later and I was back at my parents house. My mom and my step-dad took me back in to help get me back on track after I lost the apartment. I would meet a few more people( 2... i mean literal few lol) and this is where the final straw was broken. The first moved in and just sat around while I worked and then was not allowed to do anything unless she was involved. She had plans, I had to go with her. This would end the book I was attempting to write because I just lost the passion with the fighting. I slowly start losing my niceness and getting a bit of fire in me. I eventually kicked her out and felt GREAT. That whole thing was weird and we still talk and stuff but im sorry... you have to make out to make me enjoy your time. Pecking just ruins that WHOLE thing for me. (As i wrote this.... I was thinking about the other day... hehe)
But then about a year later I would start dating the person i would have a kid with. Our relationship was doomed from the beginning because of her past and her I must win attitude. I thought I'd try and stop smoking (both) for her. The cigs would be first but the other thing would not be stopped until I deemed so. Well needless to say it was always thrown in my face on who id be the perfect man if I just gave em up for her and be happy. Well I got into a car accident that jacked up my back for a few weeks in March 2010. Well that night after getting out of the hospital my friends wanted me to come out and have a beer to get my mind off of the stuff. (wasn't my fault btw) Well I did and i smoked, big deal. I felt good and the pain was gone. Well when she came over that night, all she did was rip me down for doing it and I was nasty and a piece of shit. Not one damn care if i was okay or anything but that. well That would start to bring out the evil in me. Well i started to put my foot down and things would be rough for the next few months. We broke up a few times but I gave in trying cuz I hate when somebody tells me I didn't try when I was the only one who was from the beginning. Well we found out we would be having Haley around near the end of October and that was the final straw for me. She knew I couldn't have a serious relationship with her because of how she has treated me and she was on BC but now out of nowhere she was prego. Can you say trap? Because that's nearly 90% of what people tell me. Well didn't work.
Well now it is over one year later and I am single. This is the longest since my gap of born and first girlfriend which was nearly 17 years lmfao. But I have learned a few things and that is being nice can damn right get you killed in this world. I used to believe that make a girl melt was the best thing in the world and needed nothing else. Well not this time. Yes I might be a sweet heart to you, and if that is so then your special! But, don't think I am not being careful! Plus... I will have some spice in my tude if needed. I have been working out and my "cockiness" has been progressing. I love it... but really, I hope there is that girl that I could be all time relaxed with and not have worries but who knows. So far is has been nothing but disgrace and heartbreak!
But I have done a huge turn in my life. I am nearly graduated and have goals in my life. I bought a car under my name (dad cosigned) and my credit is fixed and being rebuilt. Now it is time to maybe open those peepers of mine and see what else can come this way.
Now, I won't lie there is somebody very interesting to me that I have been talking to for almost an entire week and I just down right enjoy it. She is cute and most important likes to be goofy like me. She has a kid like me so that's a plus and she is a geek. Kinda odd but nearly what I have been wanting for a long time. But... there is also somethings going on in her neck of the woods. She has been going through a lot and I wish her luck. But she needs to know that she shouldn't be scared! She has to be happy and sometimes it takes time for that.... READ THIS and you'll understand babe that its not over night. But the first step to changing what you don't like it finally putting your foot down and saying enough is enough. And who knows... maybe just maybe... you'd have somebody right here! It is all about that wonderful delicious potential!! ;-)
Now I kinda forgot to mention the whole thing that started this. But the whole meaning is I have changed. Some might argue for the worse (baby momma) but I feel for the better. I can talk a lot easier then I could before and most people can see that. I mean shit... life is about chances so take em and see what happens afterwards! But not only that, lets face it, it makes me more attractive not being a speed bump and it also helps me realize that if I am going to fight and argue and put my life on the side for you... YOUR NOT WORTH IT! I want somebody who wants to come on the road of life with me and enjoy it with me. I have a mother, so good bye! Lol Damn women sometimes... lmfao!
Oh and yes.... just a few days until the midnight opening for Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! YES YES YES YES!!!!!!! :) Then a week after that, Halo CE Anniversary Edition! (you better come and play or Im bringing one of my xbox's to you!!) <----- She knows who she is!!
Well Imma end this with one of my songs I wrote back in the day!
Chewy out!
This is for that special girl in my life…
Scratch that
The special girl that was in my life
Heh
You know who you are
Every time you told me
How much you really loved me
You had me in ecstasy
Every time you kissed me
Took your clothes off
And wrapped your legs around me
It truly made me believe
This was the life I wanted it to be
But it was all pulled away
By the choices you made
I hope it was worth it
Because this is
The final time
That I cry…
This is not another love song
Begging you to come back home
Giving you my forgiveness
Opening my heart again
This is GOODBYE
With a special finger up on each hand
Thanks for a life that I thought I’d never have
It was good while it lasted
Ended with nothing but shit
Plenty of heartbreak
Played me for a fool
So GOODBYE
Out of my life and heart you go
Enjoy what you will
Drain him for what you can
Life is a bitch
Karma comes around
Broken heart
Dead dreams
That is what you gave to me
The times we had
Where a mixture of all
Some were great
Some were terrible
What mattered most was being together
Holding each other
But that ended out of nowhere
You got up and left
Out of the blue
I was left wondering what to do
I know I wasn’t always the best
I know I am not he cutest
But my heart was your
No one elses
So I leave you
With one thing to think about
Do you remember
The first time I took you out
Gave you my heart
Because this is where it ends
And my new life starts
This is not another love song
Begging you to come back home
Giving you my forgiveness
Opening my heart again
This is GOODBYE
With a special finger up on each hand
Thanks for a life that I thought I’d never have
It was good while it lasted
Ended with nothing but shit
Plenty of heartbreak
Played me for a fool
So GOODBYE
Out of my life and heart you go
Enjoy what you will
Drain him for what you can
Life is a bitch
Karma comes around
GOODBYE
GOODBYE
I will never cry again!
GOODBYE
GOODBYE
THIS IS WHERE MY NEW LIFE BEGINS!!
But hey, coffee is done! YES! YES! YES! YES!
So yeah something has kinda sparked a lot of thought in me. I used to be very shy back in the day. But this went hand in hand that once you knew me you'd always want to be around me AND it also meant I didn't get girls because I simply was way to nice and romantic. I loved complimenting somebody I liked. I was the go to guy for all my chick friends on advice. Well actually pretty much any friend came to me because they knew I'd convert everything in a decent explanation that could hopefully be resolved. Well needless to say, no girl ever wants a "nice" guy and it hurt. When I finally found that one who really did, I was amazed. She was a juggalette and very much a tom boy but she was adorable. I was a little older but only by a year and 1/2. Well we would have our ins and outs but everything seemed perfect when we moved in and I put a near $1000.00 rock on her finger. The engagement was probably the most happiest moment in my life because she WAS THE ONE!!
Well lets skip 8 months into August 2008. She was supposed to go to Canada for a little few day trip with her best friend. All week she was gone, I was lucky for 1 text and a whole 10 minute phone convo. Well when she came back I had it, I was done because I knew what she did. And... I was right. She spent the entire time in New York with a guy she talked to on the internet. Well I loved her so much that 2 days passed, I ended up rushing her to the hospital for a nervous breakdown. We decided to work on it and well... just 3 days later she told me she was leaving for good. I... let her do what she wanted and it bit me in the ass. She got tired of that niice guy and left me for some wanna be badass who talked about eating fetuses as a joke.
Well this is where I'd fall into my slump. Id get behind in bills and damage my credit but I kept laid back for the most part but that is also thanks to the habits I picked up right before and right after she left me. I became a huge stoner, like daily basis, and I picked up her cig habit. I would go on to date somebody for a week until she would cheat on my with her ex she left me for.
Well... skip 7 months later and I was back at my parents house. My mom and my step-dad took me back in to help get me back on track after I lost the apartment. I would meet a few more people( 2... i mean literal few lol) and this is where the final straw was broken. The first moved in and just sat around while I worked and then was not allowed to do anything unless she was involved. She had plans, I had to go with her. This would end the book I was attempting to write because I just lost the passion with the fighting. I slowly start losing my niceness and getting a bit of fire in me. I eventually kicked her out and felt GREAT. That whole thing was weird and we still talk and stuff but im sorry... you have to make out to make me enjoy your time. Pecking just ruins that WHOLE thing for me. (As i wrote this.... I was thinking about the other day... hehe)
But then about a year later I would start dating the person i would have a kid with. Our relationship was doomed from the beginning because of her past and her I must win attitude. I thought I'd try and stop smoking (both) for her. The cigs would be first but the other thing would not be stopped until I deemed so. Well needless to say it was always thrown in my face on who id be the perfect man if I just gave em up for her and be happy. Well I got into a car accident that jacked up my back for a few weeks in March 2010. Well that night after getting out of the hospital my friends wanted me to come out and have a beer to get my mind off of the stuff. (wasn't my fault btw) Well I did and i smoked, big deal. I felt good and the pain was gone. Well when she came over that night, all she did was rip me down for doing it and I was nasty and a piece of shit. Not one damn care if i was okay or anything but that. well That would start to bring out the evil in me. Well i started to put my foot down and things would be rough for the next few months. We broke up a few times but I gave in trying cuz I hate when somebody tells me I didn't try when I was the only one who was from the beginning. Well we found out we would be having Haley around near the end of October and that was the final straw for me. She knew I couldn't have a serious relationship with her because of how she has treated me and she was on BC but now out of nowhere she was prego. Can you say trap? Because that's nearly 90% of what people tell me. Well didn't work.
Well now it is over one year later and I am single. This is the longest since my gap of born and first girlfriend which was nearly 17 years lmfao. But I have learned a few things and that is being nice can damn right get you killed in this world. I used to believe that make a girl melt was the best thing in the world and needed nothing else. Well not this time. Yes I might be a sweet heart to you, and if that is so then your special! But, don't think I am not being careful! Plus... I will have some spice in my tude if needed. I have been working out and my "cockiness" has been progressing. I love it... but really, I hope there is that girl that I could be all time relaxed with and not have worries but who knows. So far is has been nothing but disgrace and heartbreak!
But I have done a huge turn in my life. I am nearly graduated and have goals in my life. I bought a car under my name (dad cosigned) and my credit is fixed and being rebuilt. Now it is time to maybe open those peepers of mine and see what else can come this way.
Now, I won't lie there is somebody very interesting to me that I have been talking to for almost an entire week and I just down right enjoy it. She is cute and most important likes to be goofy like me. She has a kid like me so that's a plus and she is a geek. Kinda odd but nearly what I have been wanting for a long time. But... there is also somethings going on in her neck of the woods. She has been going through a lot and I wish her luck. But she needs to know that she shouldn't be scared! She has to be happy and sometimes it takes time for that.... READ THIS and you'll understand babe that its not over night. But the first step to changing what you don't like it finally putting your foot down and saying enough is enough. And who knows... maybe just maybe... you'd have somebody right here! It is all about that wonderful delicious potential!! ;-)
Now I kinda forgot to mention the whole thing that started this. But the whole meaning is I have changed. Some might argue for the worse (baby momma) but I feel for the better. I can talk a lot easier then I could before and most people can see that. I mean shit... life is about chances so take em and see what happens afterwards! But not only that, lets face it, it makes me more attractive not being a speed bump and it also helps me realize that if I am going to fight and argue and put my life on the side for you... YOUR NOT WORTH IT! I want somebody who wants to come on the road of life with me and enjoy it with me. I have a mother, so good bye! Lol Damn women sometimes... lmfao!
Oh and yes.... just a few days until the midnight opening for Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! YES YES YES YES!!!!!!! :) Then a week after that, Halo CE Anniversary Edition! (you better come and play or Im bringing one of my xbox's to you!!) <----- She knows who she is!!
Well Imma end this with one of my songs I wrote back in the day!
Chewy out!
This is for that special girl in my life…
Scratch that
The special girl that was in my life
Heh
You know who you are
Every time you told me
How much you really loved me
You had me in ecstasy
Every time you kissed me
Took your clothes off
And wrapped your legs around me
It truly made me believe
This was the life I wanted it to be
But it was all pulled away
By the choices you made
I hope it was worth it
Because this is
The final time
That I cry…
This is not another love song
Begging you to come back home
Giving you my forgiveness
Opening my heart again
This is GOODBYE
With a special finger up on each hand
Thanks for a life that I thought I’d never have
It was good while it lasted
Ended with nothing but shit
Plenty of heartbreak
Played me for a fool
So GOODBYE
Out of my life and heart you go
Enjoy what you will
Drain him for what you can
Life is a bitch
Karma comes around
Broken heart
Dead dreams
That is what you gave to me
The times we had
Where a mixture of all
Some were great
Some were terrible
What mattered most was being together
Holding each other
But that ended out of nowhere
You got up and left
Out of the blue
I was left wondering what to do
I know I wasn’t always the best
I know I am not he cutest
But my heart was your
No one elses
So I leave you
With one thing to think about
Do you remember
The first time I took you out
Gave you my heart
Because this is where it ends
And my new life starts
This is not another love song
Begging you to come back home
Giving you my forgiveness
Opening my heart again
This is GOODBYE
With a special finger up on each hand
Thanks for a life that I thought I’d never have
It was good while it lasted
Ended with nothing but shit
Plenty of heartbreak
Played me for a fool
So GOODBYE
Out of my life and heart you go
Enjoy what you will
Drain him for what you can
Life is a bitch
Karma comes around
GOODBYE
GOODBYE
I will never cry again!
GOODBYE
GOODBYE
THIS IS WHERE MY NEW LIFE BEGINS!!
Friday, November 4, 2011
F'n November 4th
Well what can I say... other than it being November 4th, 2011. Just kidding... I can say a few things. Like how about they start making coffee mandatory. This delicious cup of joe just excites me more and more on a daily basis. MMMMMMMMMM soooooo good!
But really, can't complain too much. Life is pretty good and I got to see my peanut the other day. :) She is getting sooo damn big and I just... ooooh she just drives me nuts with how adorable she is!! She turns 5 months tomorrow and then its official, she can start being fed stage 1 baby food! WOOOO! Im sooo excited! I swear when she starts walking and talking Imma lose it! Got all these parents getting angry when their kids get into stuff or become motor mouths, I CAN'T WAIT!! :) I can say, i will totally not put games such as WOW in front of my kids. (You know who you are...)
On another note, last night was pretty interesting. I feel bad for passing out again lol and this time was earlier but I don't think she can be mad at me! ;-) lol Despite the somewhat long drive, getting kicked out, and getting lost on the way home cuz the person I followed there can't drive less than 50 on side streets, it was awesome.
Crap... out of coffee.....
Okay cool, got some more! :-D
But yeah... i dunno, it is interesting. She is a lil cutie and awesome personality! So who knows... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm do you? Nope! Didn't think so, because you gotta live each day on its own and let shtuff happen! :)
On that note, I am getting a little nervous and excited because I get my equipment checked out from school to shoot my mock PSA today. If this goes well, it might make a person angry and many people laugh. So... yeah
Oh my freaking god.... my friend called me and as we talked, this fucking coffee tried killing me!! AHHHHHHHHH i was coughing my brains out!!!! AAHHHHHH... Oh crap... ZOMBIES!!!! lol
Haha anywho, just wanted to get something off my chest. RELIGION!!! Want to know what I am, here it is:
Well I think thats enough for now...
Until next time,
PEACE!
But really, can't complain too much. Life is pretty good and I got to see my peanut the other day. :) She is getting sooo damn big and I just... ooooh she just drives me nuts with how adorable she is!! She turns 5 months tomorrow and then its official, she can start being fed stage 1 baby food! WOOOO! Im sooo excited! I swear when she starts walking and talking Imma lose it! Got all these parents getting angry when their kids get into stuff or become motor mouths, I CAN'T WAIT!! :) I can say, i will totally not put games such as WOW in front of my kids. (You know who you are...)
On another note, last night was pretty interesting. I feel bad for passing out again lol and this time was earlier but I don't think she can be mad at me! ;-) lol Despite the somewhat long drive, getting kicked out, and getting lost on the way home cuz the person I followed there can't drive less than 50 on side streets, it was awesome.
Crap... out of coffee.....
Okay cool, got some more! :-D
But yeah... i dunno, it is interesting. She is a lil cutie and awesome personality! So who knows... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm do you? Nope! Didn't think so, because you gotta live each day on its own and let shtuff happen! :)
On that note, I am getting a little nervous and excited because I get my equipment checked out from school to shoot my mock PSA today. If this goes well, it might make a person angry and many people laugh. So... yeah
Oh my freaking god.... my friend called me and as we talked, this fucking coffee tried killing me!! AHHHHHHHHH i was coughing my brains out!!!! AAHHHHHH... Oh crap... ZOMBIES!!!! lol
Haha anywho, just wanted to get something off my chest. RELIGION!!! Want to know what I am, here it is:
- Agnostic theism
- The view of those who do not claim to know of the existence of any deity, but still believe in such an existence.
Well I think thats enough for now...
Until next time,
PEACE!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Long time...
Well where should I start... I mean its been like 9 months since I have wrote a blog and a lot has happened. I mean first of all, somebody gave me an idea of coming back and writing some yesterday while she started hers for the first time and i guess the idea stuck because... HERE I AM!! :)
But really... I am a father for one and two I am still in school(not going as strong as I was but that's another story) and still in track to graduate in about a year. Yes... that means my dream is still alive. Actually, I am trying to put together a few short scripts to eventually film. My first short I wrote in a class, "Never Flourish", is supposed to be in review from one of my teachers for some last pointers and then I am attempting to actually shoot the thing sometime in the coming Spring. I think it would make for an awesome first film and totally get me one step closer to doing my dream!!
So me... a father. I won't lie, it took me a full day until it all hit me when she was born. I remember driving home the next morning to get ready for class and just bawling my eyes out. She is soo damn adorable and I love her so much. My only regret is not seeing her enough. I mean with being the only working parent and in school, I can only see her on days im free because of issues and opinions with baby mama. I mean personally, i don't see an issue with getting my daughter even if i work. I come home and she there... but until I can get my visitations (which I am proud to say I started the whole child support ON MY OWN) I have to play by her rules. Which means unless I am there the entire time i shall not see her. It sucks but I am working through it because I know she will be daddy's girl and can already see it happening. :)
So what else... how about I have officially stuck to working out since mid august. It is even branching out to newer and more exciting things. I love getting tons of compliments from people on how they notice. I mean even people who see you everyday start to notice... YES!! :) I am becoming a happy camper! lmfao I mean I have went from a loose 42 to a loose 38 pants and arms are mostly muscle. I can't say im disappointed! I know I still got work but the results do help the passion to continue!
But I think that is it for now... until next time.
Chewy out!
But really... I am a father for one and two I am still in school(not going as strong as I was but that's another story) and still in track to graduate in about a year. Yes... that means my dream is still alive. Actually, I am trying to put together a few short scripts to eventually film. My first short I wrote in a class, "Never Flourish", is supposed to be in review from one of my teachers for some last pointers and then I am attempting to actually shoot the thing sometime in the coming Spring. I think it would make for an awesome first film and totally get me one step closer to doing my dream!!
So me... a father. I won't lie, it took me a full day until it all hit me when she was born. I remember driving home the next morning to get ready for class and just bawling my eyes out. She is soo damn adorable and I love her so much. My only regret is not seeing her enough. I mean with being the only working parent and in school, I can only see her on days im free because of issues and opinions with baby mama. I mean personally, i don't see an issue with getting my daughter even if i work. I come home and she there... but until I can get my visitations (which I am proud to say I started the whole child support ON MY OWN) I have to play by her rules. Which means unless I am there the entire time i shall not see her. It sucks but I am working through it because I know she will be daddy's girl and can already see it happening. :)
So what else... how about I have officially stuck to working out since mid august. It is even branching out to newer and more exciting things. I love getting tons of compliments from people on how they notice. I mean even people who see you everyday start to notice... YES!! :) I am becoming a happy camper! lmfao I mean I have went from a loose 42 to a loose 38 pants and arms are mostly muscle. I can't say im disappointed! I know I still got work but the results do help the passion to continue!
But I think that is it for now... until next time.
Chewy out!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Mind explosion!
So I am sitting here getting ready for work listening to KoRn Unplugged. A lot has been on my mind lately and it is just to the point where I don't know what to do.
First, I must say Green Street Hooligans is a badass movie. The action and drama of the English soccer hooligans totally makes for a good movie. And I am not a person that is into soccer by the way. But the idea of what truly goes on over there added with some decent acting... Thumbs up!
But on to something more real. I am going to try and be as nice and proper as to what I am saying and not be a total dick about it. GIRLS! I am talking to you. It is very much okay to tease or play hard to get BUT that is only when you actually have intentions. If it is just to play games or give somebody the run around, then that is called being immature and sort of a bitch. As a guy, I will admit we do like some kind acknowledgment that your have actual intentions and your just not blowing smoke up our ass! Whether it is from teasing somebody about "what you would do", "what you want", or anything around this area. I have to say that I feel this is just as bad as trying to use somebody. For example, using somebody to talk to and pleading what you want in a man and then using an excuse as to why you can't date that person but still want them to do things for you such as fixing your computer or using them as an excuse for some Godly odd reason. Or we can add a new layer onto that situation by saying then she goes for your best friend!
I know I am kinda going everywhere right now but truly had to get it off my chest. This honestly goes for anybody in the dating game. Another thing is I believe in second chances if it feels okay. But you DO NOT prove your case as to why you deserve another chance by moving your way back into somebodies life, getting them at least somewhat interested again and then turn around and now your dating somebody else out of nowhere. Whether you are younger or older, that is called immature and really makes somebody be on guard next time you magically appear!
What do you guys think? Am I wrong here or do you agree?!
The sad thing is that this is only part of what is on my damn mind! LOL... got to love life right?
....On to something that is a little more up-lifting to me!
I got a new issue of Videomaker the other day and finally got to reading it today. I am really digging the idea of being a videographer for events while Im going to school. I am thinking about making up a business plan with costs of equipment and everything soon. What do you guys think??
If anybody has any projects that you need help with or ideas of any local internships, please let me know!
Well until next time, peace out!
Chewy
First, I must say Green Street Hooligans is a badass movie. The action and drama of the English soccer hooligans totally makes for a good movie. And I am not a person that is into soccer by the way. But the idea of what truly goes on over there added with some decent acting... Thumbs up!
But on to something more real. I am going to try and be as nice and proper as to what I am saying and not be a total dick about it. GIRLS! I am talking to you. It is very much okay to tease or play hard to get BUT that is only when you actually have intentions. If it is just to play games or give somebody the run around, then that is called being immature and sort of a bitch. As a guy, I will admit we do like some kind acknowledgment that your have actual intentions and your just not blowing smoke up our ass! Whether it is from teasing somebody about "what you would do", "what you want", or anything around this area. I have to say that I feel this is just as bad as trying to use somebody. For example, using somebody to talk to and pleading what you want in a man and then using an excuse as to why you can't date that person but still want them to do things for you such as fixing your computer or using them as an excuse for some Godly odd reason. Or we can add a new layer onto that situation by saying then she goes for your best friend!
I know I am kinda going everywhere right now but truly had to get it off my chest. This honestly goes for anybody in the dating game. Another thing is I believe in second chances if it feels okay. But you DO NOT prove your case as to why you deserve another chance by moving your way back into somebodies life, getting them at least somewhat interested again and then turn around and now your dating somebody else out of nowhere. Whether you are younger or older, that is called immature and really makes somebody be on guard next time you magically appear!
What do you guys think? Am I wrong here or do you agree?!
The sad thing is that this is only part of what is on my damn mind! LOL... got to love life right?
....On to something that is a little more up-lifting to me!
I got a new issue of Videomaker the other day and finally got to reading it today. I am really digging the idea of being a videographer for events while Im going to school. I am thinking about making up a business plan with costs of equipment and everything soon. What do you guys think??
If anybody has any projects that you need help with or ideas of any local internships, please let me know!
Well until next time, peace out!
Chewy
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Ohio....
So I got to witness the power and awesomeness of the Red camera Sunday. Instead of class we had to attend a training seminar on the Metro Campus. It went over some basic shooting and editing which was cool. We are talking about a $20,000 camera!! :)
I started math yesterday! What I hate more then math itself is going over stuff I know or used to know and I remember it very well. I just think... why am I hear?!? Oh yeah, you don't retain math because you hate it so much! LOL
And today... today we where hit by some nasty snow and supposedly are supposed to get hit by a total freeze over by tonight as well. This is why my friends that I can't wait to get out of Ohio... well that and the fact there is no jobs for my career here!
Peace out!
Chewy
I started math yesterday! What I hate more then math itself is going over stuff I know or used to know and I remember it very well. I just think... why am I hear?!? Oh yeah, you don't retain math because you hate it so much! LOL
And today... today we where hit by some nasty snow and supposedly are supposed to get hit by a total freeze over by tonight as well. This is why my friends that I can't wait to get out of Ohio... well that and the fact there is no jobs for my career here!
Peace out!
Chewy
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Life as I know it...
Well for my first post I kinda wanted to go over everything that is currently going on in the life of Chewy.
First of all I am back in school and doing well. This is my second semester at the wonderful college of Tri-C and I can't be happier. I am taking a full load this semester with 17 credit hours and still holding down a part-time job, wow! I will be honest and say it is a lot but it isn't a problem but totally not looking forward to starting my math class Monday. Not that big of a fan!
On that note I am excited to see what comes out of my Intro to Digital Video and Intro to Digital Photography classes, I actually start getting work to add to my portfolio so I have something to pitch for Internships and jobs.
Well for now, I believe that is all.
Peace out!
Chewy
First of all I am back in school and doing well. This is my second semester at the wonderful college of Tri-C and I can't be happier. I am taking a full load this semester with 17 credit hours and still holding down a part-time job, wow! I will be honest and say it is a lot but it isn't a problem but totally not looking forward to starting my math class Monday. Not that big of a fan!
On that note I am excited to see what comes out of my Intro to Digital Video and Intro to Digital Photography classes, I actually start getting work to add to my portfolio so I have something to pitch for Internships and jobs.
Well for now, I believe that is all.
Peace out!
Chewy
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