Well I am at it again. BLOG time!!! Damn coffee needs to hurry up and get down! AAAAAH! But yeah so it is Saturday November 5th and I have to work a 9 and 1/2 hr shift today. SHOOT ME!! But hey if I get another check like I did yesterday in 2 weeks, I won't be complaining ONE DAMN BIT!!
But hey, coffee is done! YES! YES! YES! YES!
So yeah something has kinda sparked a lot of thought in me. I used to be very shy back in the day. But this went hand in hand that once you knew me you'd always want to be around me AND it also meant I didn't get girls because I simply was way to nice and romantic. I loved complimenting somebody I liked. I was the go to guy for all my chick friends on advice. Well actually pretty much any friend came to me because they knew I'd convert everything in a decent explanation that could hopefully be resolved. Well needless to say, no girl ever wants a "nice" guy and it hurt. When I finally found that one who really did, I was amazed. She was a juggalette and very much a tom boy but she was adorable. I was a little older but only by a year and 1/2. Well we would have our ins and outs but everything seemed perfect when we moved in and I put a near $1000.00 rock on her finger. The engagement was probably the most happiest moment in my life because she WAS THE ONE!!
Well lets skip 8 months into August 2008. She was supposed to go to Canada for a little few day trip with her best friend. All week she was gone, I was lucky for 1 text and a whole 10 minute phone convo. Well when she came back I had it, I was done because I knew what she did. And... I was right. She spent the entire time in New York with a guy she talked to on the internet. Well I loved her so much that 2 days passed, I ended up rushing her to the hospital for a nervous breakdown. We decided to work on it and well... just 3 days later she told me she was leaving for good. I... let her do what she wanted and it bit me in the ass. She got tired of that niice guy and left me for some wanna be badass who talked about eating fetuses as a joke.
Well this is where I'd fall into my slump. Id get behind in bills and damage my credit but I kept laid back for the most part but that is also thanks to the habits I picked up right before and right after she left me. I became a huge stoner, like daily basis, and I picked up her cig habit. I would go on to date somebody for a week until she would cheat on my with her ex she left me for.
Well... skip 7 months later and I was back at my parents house. My mom and my step-dad took me back in to help get me back on track after I lost the apartment. I would meet a few more people( 2... i mean literal few lol) and this is where the final straw was broken. The first moved in and just sat around while I worked and then was not allowed to do anything unless she was involved. She had plans, I had to go with her. This would end the book I was attempting to write because I just lost the passion with the fighting. I slowly start losing my niceness and getting a bit of fire in me. I eventually kicked her out and felt GREAT. That whole thing was weird and we still talk and stuff but im sorry... you have to make out to make me enjoy your time. Pecking just ruins that WHOLE thing for me. (As i wrote this.... I was thinking about the other day... hehe)
But then about a year later I would start dating the person i would have a kid with. Our relationship was doomed from the beginning because of her past and her I must win attitude. I thought I'd try and stop smoking (both) for her. The cigs would be first but the other thing would not be stopped until I deemed so. Well needless to say it was always thrown in my face on who id be the perfect man if I just gave em up for her and be happy. Well I got into a car accident that jacked up my back for a few weeks in March 2010. Well that night after getting out of the hospital my friends wanted me to come out and have a beer to get my mind off of the stuff. (wasn't my fault btw) Well I did and i smoked, big deal. I felt good and the pain was gone. Well when she came over that night, all she did was rip me down for doing it and I was nasty and a piece of shit. Not one damn care if i was okay or anything but that. well That would start to bring out the evil in me. Well i started to put my foot down and things would be rough for the next few months. We broke up a few times but I gave in trying cuz I hate when somebody tells me I didn't try when I was the only one who was from the beginning. Well we found out we would be having Haley around near the end of October and that was the final straw for me. She knew I couldn't have a serious relationship with her because of how she has treated me and she was on BC but now out of nowhere she was prego. Can you say trap? Because that's nearly 90% of what people tell me. Well didn't work.
Well now it is over one year later and I am single. This is the longest since my gap of born and first girlfriend which was nearly 17 years lmfao. But I have learned a few things and that is being nice can damn right get you killed in this world. I used to believe that make a girl melt was the best thing in the world and needed nothing else. Well not this time. Yes I might be a sweet heart to you, and if that is so then your special! But, don't think I am not being careful! Plus... I will have some spice in my tude if needed. I have been working out and my "cockiness" has been progressing. I love it... but really, I hope there is that girl that I could be all time relaxed with and not have worries but who knows. So far is has been nothing but disgrace and heartbreak!
But I have done a huge turn in my life. I am nearly graduated and have goals in my life. I bought a car under my name (dad cosigned) and my credit is fixed and being rebuilt. Now it is time to maybe open those peepers of mine and see what else can come this way.
Now, I won't lie there is somebody very interesting to me that I have been talking to for almost an entire week and I just down right enjoy it. She is cute and most important likes to be goofy like me. She has a kid like me so that's a plus and she is a geek. Kinda odd but nearly what I have been wanting for a long time. But... there is also somethings going on in her neck of the woods. She has been going through a lot and I wish her luck. But she needs to know that she shouldn't be scared! She has to be happy and sometimes it takes time for that.... READ THIS and you'll understand babe that its not over night. But the first step to changing what you don't like it finally putting your foot down and saying enough is enough. And who knows... maybe just maybe... you'd have somebody right here! It is all about that wonderful delicious potential!! ;-)
Now I kinda forgot to mention the whole thing that started this. But the whole meaning is I have changed. Some might argue for the worse (baby momma) but I feel for the better. I can talk a lot easier then I could before and most people can see that. I mean shit... life is about chances so take em and see what happens afterwards! But not only that, lets face it, it makes me more attractive not being a speed bump and it also helps me realize that if I am going to fight and argue and put my life on the side for you... YOUR NOT WORTH IT! I want somebody who wants to come on the road of life with me and enjoy it with me. I have a mother, so good bye! Lol Damn women sometimes... lmfao!
Oh and yes.... just a few days until the midnight opening for Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! YES YES YES YES!!!!!!! :) Then a week after that, Halo CE Anniversary Edition! (you better come and play or Im bringing one of my xbox's to you!!) <----- She knows who she is!!
Well Imma end this with one of my songs I wrote back in the day!
Chewy out!
This is for that special girl in my life…
Scratch that
The special girl that was in my life
Heh
You know who you are
Every time you told me
How much you really loved me
You had me in ecstasy
Every time you kissed me
Took your clothes off
And wrapped your legs around me
It truly made me believe
This was the life I wanted it to be
But it was all pulled away
By the choices you made
I hope it was worth it
Because this is
The final time
That I cry…
This is not another love song
Begging you to come back home
Giving you my forgiveness
Opening my heart again
This is GOODBYE
With a special finger up on each hand
Thanks for a life that I thought I’d never have
It was good while it lasted
Ended with nothing but shit
Plenty of heartbreak
Played me for a fool
So GOODBYE
Out of my life and heart you go
Enjoy what you will
Drain him for what you can
Life is a bitch
Karma comes around
Broken heart
Dead dreams
That is what you gave to me
The times we had
Where a mixture of all
Some were great
Some were terrible
What mattered most was being together
Holding each other
But that ended out of nowhere
You got up and left
Out of the blue
I was left wondering what to do
I know I wasn’t always the best
I know I am not he cutest
But my heart was your
No one elses
So I leave you
With one thing to think about
Do you remember
The first time I took you out
Gave you my heart
Because this is where it ends
And my new life starts
This is not another love song
Begging you to come back home
Giving you my forgiveness
Opening my heart again
This is GOODBYE
With a special finger up on each hand
Thanks for a life that I thought I’d never have
It was good while it lasted
Ended with nothing but shit
Plenty of heartbreak
Played me for a fool
So GOODBYE
Out of my life and heart you go
Enjoy what you will
Drain him for what you can
Life is a bitch
Karma comes around
GOODBYE
GOODBYE
I will never cry again!
GOODBYE
GOODBYE
THIS IS WHERE MY NEW LIFE BEGINS!!
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